Sunday 1st January 2012

2011 has come and gone. I think it is fair to say it has been the most difficult year I have ever experienced both as Miss Dear and Mrs Sawyer.

As a family we have all gone through it this year. It was so tough seeing our little boy so unwell and not being able to do anything about it. I felt guilty because it was my job to nurture him while he was inside me and yet his heart was failing.
It was so hard on our parents and family who were not only worried sick about Freddie but also really concerned about Jon and I; our mental and physical states.
We felt constantly guilty about the effect all of the upheaval was having on Samuel. He was such a good boy but it was obvious that he knew something wasn't right and his familiarity with different hospitals was a blessing but at the same time heart breaking.

Whilst all this was going on we had a little boy who was fighting like a trooper to make sure he was home for Christmas. A doctor at the City Hospital told us in the early days that a parent had once described the experience of having a baby in intensive care like someone punching you straight in the face and knocking you down and then just as you get back on your feet and start to feel better they take a run at you again!
This was so true. We tried so hard to not be too optimistic but that is impossible when every bit of you is willing for your baby to get better. As soon as you hear good news you start making plans in your head but as quick as those plans are made something bad happens that just knocks the wind out of you.

But still little Freddie battled on and his hard work paid off. And yesterday I heard him giggle for the first time.

Freddie is thriving and I know hospital appointments and medical reviews are going to be a part of his and our lives for a long time but we'll take that any day compared to a few months ago.

To Samuel and Freddie if your ever reading this when your older; happy new year boys. We love you so much and yes you have your moments (Samuel has just thrown a tantrum having his hair washed and Freddie you haven't done a poo today so you're probably going to do one in the middle of the night) but you make us very happy and proud parents.

Happy New Year Everyone